


Fat Bottomed Cauldrons

by Craftybadger1234



Series: Missing and odd moments: Fourth Year [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Ending, Chekhov's Gun, Gen, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Humor, Portkeys, Potions, Scooby Doo References, Triwizard Tournament
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 15:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16088636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftybadger1234/pseuds/Craftybadger1234
Summary: This is how the scene in the graveyard should have gone... Why bring up cauldron bottom thickness nine times, if it never comes into play?





	Fat Bottomed Cauldrons

**Author's Note:**

> Below are all the quotes about cauldron bottoms from book four. And what follows is a sillier, ‘Scooby-Doo’ version of what I thought was going to happen as a result of all the focus on cauldron bottom thickness. I was genuinely shocked when Voldemort came back to life in the graveyard because I know about foreshadowing and Chekhov's Gun. 
> 
> Thanks to CleopatraIsMyName for being so awesome while reading this through for me! :)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch 5  
_We’re trying to standardize cauldron thickness. Some of these foreign imports are just a shade too thin - leakages have been increasing at a rate of almost three percent a year - “_

_”But unless some sort of international law is imposed we might well find the market flooded with flimsy, shallow-bottomed products that seriously endanger - “_

_”Sorry, Perce,” said Bill, grinning. “How’re the cauldron bottoms coming on?”_  
_”Very badly,” said Percy peevishly._

_At the far end of the table, Percy was telling his father all about his report on cauldron bottoms._

_Ron rolled his eyes and muttered to Harry and Hermione, “He’s been trying to get us to ask what that event is ever since he started work. Probably an exhibition of thick bottomed cauldrons.”_

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch 10  
_”That woman’s got it in for the Ministry of Magic!” said Percy furiously. “Last week she was saying we’re wasting our time quibbling about cauldron thickness, when we should be stamping out vampires!”_

_”I’ll come with you, Father,” said Percy importantly. “Mr Crouch will need all hands on deck. And I can give him my cauldron report in person.”_

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch 22: _It was amazing how he could make even bloody and vicious goblin riots sound as boring as Percy’s cauldron-bottom report._

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch 23: _He wasn’t looking forward to being lectured on cauldron bottoms all through dinner._

And a bonus line relevant to the story - 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Ch 32: _”Flesh - of the servant - w- willingly given - you will - revive - your master.” He stretched his right hand out in front of him - the hand with the missing finger. He gripped the dagger very tightly in his left hand and swung it upward… He heard something fall to the ground, heard Wormtail’s anguished panting, then a thickening splash, as something was dropped into the cauldron._

\--------

Harry and Cedric peered around in the dark, looking for anything dangerous or suspicious. They heard a voice somewhere to their left. “ _Kill the spare_ ,” it hissed.

Then a second voice, “ _Avada Kedavra_!” Cedric crumpled to the ground while Harry clasped his forehead in a sudden rush of pain. 

When he came back to himself, he was tied to a gravestone. TOM RIDDLE, it read. Well, this was an unexpected development.

Harry struggled against his bonds, despite knowing it was useless. Helplessly he watched Wormtail drag a large cauldron to rest near the gravestone and Harry. Liquid sloshed inside, dribbling over the edge. A mumbled spell had a roaring fire burning underneath it.

Next, Wormtail bustled around behind the gravestone, returning with the mangled, raw form of Voldemort. Carefully he lowered him into the cauldron, sending more liquid seeping over the sides. The liquid sizzled as it reached the fire, and Harry was certain he heard a faint whistling sound.

Wormtail spoke the words of a haunting incantation and a piece of bone shot out of the ground by Harry’s feet and into the cauldron. Horrified, Harry heard Wormtail mention something about servant’s flesh and watched him slice his own hand off.

Harry had to fight back the vomit rising in his throat. Could anyone really _willingly_ give up their hand? Their _hand_? The incantation hardly seemed accurate. Wormtail hadn’t even tied a tourniquet first. He was going to bleed out before finishing his task. Maybe that was his goal - die before having to bring back Voldemort back. Perhaps Wormtail was a noble Gryffindor after all. 

The hand splashed into the cauldron and the resulting overflow of liquid hissed against the sides of the cauldron. Harry inwardly sighed. The incantation only called for flesh and there was Wormtail throwing in blood and bone, along with whatever dirt and grit clung to the bleeding hand. Would that mess up the concoction? But then, Wormtail had never been much good at Potions. The whistling sounded again, accompanied by a crack.

Harry knew Wormtail had heard it too because he paused before continuing his little ritual. Voldemort bobbed in his bath, seemingly unaware that the cauldron was coming apart. Harry tried to lift his feet as the bottom of the cauldron cracked again and the liquid inside started draining in a trickle that thickened with each passing second. The flames danced around, nearly smothered by the stream.

Wormtail shot the cauldron with a spell to seal the crack but that only made the crack widen further. His panicked eyes met Harry’s and he hurried forward with his knife to finish the spell before the cauldron could empty completely.

The brief tussle was ridiculous. Harry should have been an easy mark, tied as he was so tightly to the stone. But Wormtail was weak from blood loss and slipping in the mud made from the leaky cauldron. A lucky swipe of Harry’s foot sent Wormtail flailing to the ground. Another stroke of luck caused Wormtail’s knife to slice one of the cords that bound Harry to the stone.

Harry wriggled free and stepped on Wormtail’s wounded arm. He screeched and tried to roll away but passed out from pain and blood loss. Staggering and weak, Harry used what little strength he had to kick the cauldron over. Voldemort rolled across the graveyard in a wash of bubbling sludge, whining in indignation. The cauldron gave its last sigh and broke completely into two pieces.

Leaping over broken gravestones and the odd tree root, Harry made his way back to Cedric’s body. He held him tight while summoning the Triwizard Cup. It was a portkey so it would take them back and it would all be fine.

Except that was not how portkeys worked. 

A spell. Harry needed a spell. But he didn’t know the portkey spell! He clutched at Cedric’s body and sobbed in fear. He felt his magic well up inside him and begged desperately for it to help.

Merlin bless accidental magic - the Cup glowed blue and whisked Harry and Cedric away.

It was chaos when they landed back at the school. Dumbledore had Moody watch Harry while he summoned Cedric’s parents to the scene. Dumbledore returned with them, McGonagall at his side.

“He’s dead! Cedric's dead,” Harry sobbed. “It was Wormtail! He’s helping Voldemort!” He held tight to Cedric, not allowing anyone to take him.

“He’s not dead!” Dumbledore cried. “Look! Harry! _Harry!_ ”

In a daze, Harry looked down at Cedric, moaning quietly in his arms. “But… how?”

“You have to really mean it, to cast an Unforgivable Curse, Harry. Wormtail doesn’t have the strength of character to carry through with such a dangerous, powerful spell. All he did was knock Mr Diggory out for a time.”

“Oh,” Harry said dumbly, letting Madam Pomfrey and Amos Diggory pull an unconscious Cedric away.

“What happened, Harry? Where did you go?” Moody’s magical eye was focused on Harry with such intensity, it made Harry queasy. 

“A - a graveyard. Voldemort was there and he - “ Harry paused and tilted his head at Professor Moody. “Professor, your - your eye…”

The eye was starting to roll, but not in the dizzily controlled way Harry was used to. Moody stood abruptly and backed away from the crowd, scrambling for his hip flask.

“It’s fine! I was just - I need to - “ Moody’s words were frantic as he tried to get away.

Dumbledore frowned at him and flicked his wand to summon the flask Moody was having trouble opening. He nodded to Professor McGonagall, who then put Moody in a full body bind.

“He’s not Mad-eye Moody,” Dumbledore said calmly. “Let’s just wait a moment…”

As the crowd watched, Mad-eye rippled and changed into - 

“Barty Crouch Junior?” the crowd yelled.

“Just as I suspected,” Dumbledore said with a smug chuckle. “I knew something was wrong when I helped Moody out of the carriage at the start of the year and he tucked his wand into his back pocket. I nearly lost a left buttock that way when we were younger and he’s never missed a chance to tease me about it yet.”

“You knew and didn’t say anything?” Harry spluttered.

“Well I had to see what he was up to, right?”

“He was trying to bring Voldemort back from the dead using my blood!”

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!” Crouch yelled from the ground.

McGonagall stunned him again with a stern frown and nodded to someone in the crowd behind her. “Please take him away, Dawlish.”

“Not Dawlish!” Harry muttered. “He’s a mess. Give him to Kingsley!”

McGonagall nodded and Kingsley Shacklebolt came to take Crouch away.

“That was a close one!” Ron said as he helped Harry to his feet. “Mistaken professor, Cedric almost died, and Voldemort almost came back from the dead...”

Harry shrugged off the danger, “I guess now we’re safe for another summer. Can’t wait to tell the Dursleys I managed to escape another threat on my life.”

**Author's Note:**

> For those that don't know, chekhov's gun is a writing thing that says if the author mentions a gun on the wall in act one, it better go off in act two. JKR mentioned the cauldrons leaking, and then... they didn't leak. Even though she had a gigantic bathtub sized one.


End file.
